Last night, I made a video, with some music. I liked the song and thought it would be nice to share it, so I spent more than an hour making it for you.

I gave my video to You Tube so I could show you but it was deleted straight away because some horrible and greedy man in the record making place said that he wanted people to give him money before they can listen to the song. So that meant I had wasted that time and had to hide the song from you. I can´t even hum it in case the nasty man wants me to pay him. I wanted to show you because it was nice and I think you would like it and then you would buy it off the fat greedy man.

So I went to bed and I went to sleep.

I was sleeping in my bed when another monster arrived! I thought it was a monster and it made me jump. When I woke up properly I found out that it was not a monster but was a working mad with a big drill making holes in the walls of the house next door. So I woke up but was still sleepy.

When I had got up the drilling man stopped making his noise.

Then I thought that I would tell everyone some nice news. The British Comedy Awards nominations had been released and they would make people laugh so I thought I would tell people.
I didn´t want to pinch a story from the person who told me because that would not be fair to them, so I thought I would ask The British Comedy Awards man himself.
I went to their website and found the list. I then typed the list onto my website and told everybody. They were very excited, because our favourite TV show Benidorm had been nominated for a prize again.

I sent a congratulations card to the writer of Benidorm, as some other people did too, because of what I had said.

But, somebody asked me how I knew about Benidorm, when nobody else was saying that it had been nominated. I asked the man at the Comedy Awards and he said that was last year!
I said he was a very naughty man and should do something about his mistake.

Then I went to the shops. I wanted to buy water but the first shop that sells water was very busy, so I left and went to the second shop where they also sell nice crisps.
The car park was very quiet so it looked much better, so I decided to go in. What I got into the shop there were lots and lots of people with big shopping trolleys all queueing up to be served.
The car park had lied to me!
I decided to change my mind and leave the water shopping until later. I turned around and started to leave the shop. The doors closed on me on both sides, trapping me in a cage and alarms started sounding and loud voices shouting “warning you cannot leave” and everybody looked at me and then I couldn´t get back in the shop and was trapped and was like a tiger in a zoo.
The doors then opened to let me in so I got some water and some crisps and joined the big queue but a very smelly man was in front and he was making me feel sick.

There was only one girl working and a massive queue, but then another girl turned up and went to the till at the far end of the shop and lots of people chased after her. She said they were silly because she was not working, but the people didn´t see another girl turn up next to the first queue so we sneaked in there behind the smelly man and another man who could not drive because he had left his car across three spaces in the car park.

I left the shop and went to the next supermarket to buy cat food, cat lit and some wine. The car park was quiet and we went into the shop and then people started walking in front of me like I was invisible and I nearly walked into them and I had to try and walk round them but they were too big and they kept moving.

I got to the wine place and saw that there was a special offer on whiskey. If you buy one bottle for 4,95€ then you get 70% discount off the second one. That is hard to work out but I knew that it would be a lot so I picked them up as well.
Then I got tuna and mackerel in tomato sauce for the cats and some nice tortilla chips and I went to the automatic till, because everybody else is scared of them and they are usually quiet.

I started to scan my goods on the scanning machine and got to the whiskey, but the machine didn´t give me the discount that the shelf had promised me. I had to press a button to get a human to help me and a girl came but she did not help me. She said that it had given me discount and I said it had not and she said it had and I said it had not and she said nothing and I said it had not and she said nothing so I said I didn´t want it then and she took one bottle of whiskey from me.

And that was my day and it is only half past 4 in the afternoon. I might go back to bed.

Mark Nolan (38)

The man who could not drive